What to say and what to avoid when someone is grieving — Printable sheet

Phrases that hurt without meaning to

Instead of
"Everything happens for a reason."
It tries to give meaning to a loss that, for them, may have none.
Try
"I'm so sorry. Nothing makes this any less unfair."
Instead of
"They're in a better place now."
It may clash with their beliefs, or sound like they shouldn't be sad.
Try
"I can only imagine how much you miss them."
Instead of
"I know exactly how you feel."
Even if you've lived something similar, no two people grieve the same way.
Try
"I can't fully know what you're feeling, but I want to listen."
Instead of
"You have to be strong."
It asks them to hide their pain right when they most need to express it.
Try
"You don't have to be okay. You can count on me however you are."
Instead of
"At least…" (they lived a long life, you're young, you still have your family).
Any sentence that starts with "at least" shrinks the loss.
Try
"This is so hard. It makes sense that it hurts this much."
Instead of
"You should be feeling better by now."
Grief has no timetable and can come back strongly months or years later.
Try
"How are you doing with all of this today?"
Instead of
"Let me know if you need anything."
It leaves the effort of asking to them — something that's very hard while grieving.
Try
"I'll bring you dinner on Thursday. Would you like me to leave it at the door?"

Instead of
"I'll pray for you."
If they don't pray, it can leave them lonelier: the gesture happens in a language they don't share.
Try
"You've been on my mind a lot these days. I'm here."
Instead of
"You'll see each other again someday."
It promises something they don't expect, and they may feel they have to fake a comfort they don't feel.
Try
"What you lived together is still yours. Will you tell me what they were like?"
Instead of
"God never gives us more than we can handle."
It assumes a plan behind the loss. For someone who doesn't believe, there isn't one, and grief doesn't need a reason to be legitimate.
Try
"You don't have to be able to handle this. I'm here with you."
Instead of
"You have to have faith."
It asks them to feel something they don't, as if comfort depended on believing.
Try
"You don't need to believe in anything for this to hurt. I'm with you however you go through it."